The Asgard Story
by Stargate Barbie
Summary: The Asgard are considering reproduction and have a few questions for Jack.


Asgard Reproduction

By

Barbie

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Rating: PG-13

**Classification: SJ UST/Romance  
  
Season: My Own   
  
Summary: ****Thor**** is curious.   
**

** Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment, not monetary purposes, and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead is coincidental and not intended by the author. **  


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**"O'Neill, you and Major Carter seem to feel terribly uncomfortable around each other is there something wrong?"**

**"Well Thor lil buddy, I can't wrap my mind around not having Daniel around. Yeah I know it always seemed that we were arguing more than anything else but he had a way of making me see things in the proper light. He had a way that made me see things in a way other than military, and I miss it."**

**"O'Neill, you have a close relationship with Major Carter don't you? Can't you talk with her? She manages to make you focus on other aspects of every encounter doesn't she?"**

**"Well Thor if it hadn't been for the both of them, I don't know if I would still be around to be 'your favorite human'. When I came to the Stargate project I wasn't much for the living, in fact, I had considered committing suicide with the downturn I was in after my son's death." Shaking his head at the memory of the man he had been back all those years ago.**

**Upon hearing this bit of information Thor blinks his big dark eyes in disbelief. The O'Neill that he knows would never have been able to do that. Could he possibly have changed that much in the few years that he has known him?**

**Looking up to Thor to see the effect that this information was having on him, Jack watches as Thor is scanning his various monitors on the ship looking for Major Carter. **

**"Thor, what's wrong? Did this come as a big surprise to you? I know it makes most people uncomfortable to hear it. But actually this is progress. And I do owe it in a very large part to that relationship with Carter." Remembering how he felt about having a 'scientist' on his team, and thinking that it was the best thing that ever happened to him. **

**Blinking and exhaling a large breath in imitation of O'Neill when he is deep in thought Thor replies, "I have been meaning to ask both you and Major Carter a few questions."**

**"Sure Thor but if it is anything technical or dealing with science I guess you better get Carter up here so that I don't mess it up."**

**"I am sure that you will be able to answer a few of the more basic questions O'Neill, after all you did say that you had a son. That is the topic that I wish to inquire about."**

**"Charlie? You wish to discuss Charlie with me?" The confusion clearly evident on his face and his agitation level climbing by leaps and bounds he turns to look for Sam.**

**From the background Sam is entering the room. And upon hearing this last bit of conversation between Jack and Thor she lingers out of sight so that she can hear what they start discussing.**

**Laughing at the idea of Thor turning to him for advice or information on something, …'it had to deal with guns or instruments of destruction if he is looking to me for advice', "Thor, is there possibly _anything_ that the advanced race of the Asgard don't know that our more primitive race has knowledge of?"**

**O'Neill, the Asgard have for years considered the idea of getting back to our more human appearance. Many millennia ago we closely resembled your form. At that point in our evolution we had a more _basic_ form of procreation. This was long before we started cloning ourselves."**

**Jack blanches and blinks a few times while trying to focus on the topic Thor is suggesting. His thoughts immediately going back to Charlie and he give a bit of a cynical laugh thinking that this would be about the time he would be having the discussion of the birds and the bees, but he always thought it would be with his kids not some alien race. "Well Thor, what is it that you guys are baffled about?"**

**Upon hearing this Sam looks to the heavens -- difficult to do when in space! Listening with eager curiosity, she can't wait to see how Jack will handle this one. Getting a bit bolder she peeks her head around the corner just as Jack looks up to see her.**

**"Ahh Carter just in time, can you help me out here?" Jack asks as he proceeds to walk down the hall towards Sam pulling her back into the room in front of Thor.**

**"Well Sir, I don't know why you are asking me about this - after all you are the one that had a child… I haven't gotten that far in life yet! Remember, you are the one that keeps telling me to get a life, but never lets me leave the base?"**

**"But Carter - if I were to let you leave the base and you were to try and 'get a life' it would be with someone other than me. Now that just wouldn't be right would it?" **

**"Sir….. Jack? What are you trying to say here? I thought we left it in the closet."**

**Upon hearing that line Thor's curiosity was put into overdrive. "The closet? Major Carter what does a closet have to do with 'getting a life'? Is this something that the Asgard need to know?"**

**Both Sam and Jack turn towards Thor while both slightly blushing at the realization that someone has actually heard them discussing this topic.**

**"No Thor it isn't anything that the Asgard need to know. It has to do with the Tok'ra and their brain picking machine. When they thought we were Za'tarcs and tried to have us killed. When Carter figured out that their machine thought we were hiding the truth because we weren't telling about our feelings for each other. Once we admitted the truth the machine revealed that we weren't the bad guys. But according to the rules of the US military we are not allowed to love one another since we are in the same chain of command. Unfortunately, lil buddy, their sets of rules look good on paper, but don't always work in reality."**

**Again blinking his big vacant eyes with an expression on his face that most closely resembled confusion, Thor again looks from Sam to Jack while scratching his head. (He really has been around Jack way too much.) This is most perplexing O'Neill – do you still wish to be with Major Carter?"**

**While this exchange is going on Sam is watching Jack. Noting the changes in his demeanor. She is wondering the same thing that Thor has just asked, since in the past year they have managed to tiptoe around anything closely related to this topic. Apparently they both feel that by not thinking or talking about it that it will go away. Shaking her head softly to herself – nope hasn't worked for her and obviously it hasn't worked for Jack either.**

**Jack looks to Carter to see her reaction to this conversation. Hoping and praying that she will have a way to bring it back on track, as he is feeling very uncomfortable at this point in time.**

**Sam picks up on Jack discomfort and asks Thor, "I know we are here to help you find Heimdahl, but what exactly is it that Heimdahl is working on?" **

**"Exactly what we are talking about right now Major Carter. Heimdahl was on this planet in her lab doing in depth research trying to find out how to get us back to our earlier forms."**

**Well Thor I know plenty of science but genetics isn't exactly my forte. That would be more of Janet's background. Both the biology and genetics that is.**

**Jack pacing around the room turns and looks a Thor while saying… "Ackkk Thor would you stop. Are you telling me that all of you and your lil friends have been cloning for so long that you forgot how copulation works?" Jack looks to Sam to see if her train of thought is going the same way his is.**

**Sam while looking from Thor to Jack and seeing that both 'men' are having the same uncomfortable looks about them and can't believe it. There is a race of men somewhere in the universe that can't remember how to have sex? Well she had asked for that exact scenario back in high school right? She just never thought that prayer would be answered in this exact way. **

**While drinking some water as this thought crosses her mind... Sam chokes. Jack looks over and immediately goes to her aid. "Carter you ok there? After all I can't have this conversation all by myself."**

**"Umm… Jack this problem is easily solved. But how exactly do we tell him that we can tell him about the 'human' form but it won't exactly work for them? After all they are missing a few important protruding body parts!" **

**"CARTER … you are going to leave all that dirty work to me aren't you?"**

**"Well, Sir, you were the one that had a son. This shouldn't be such an 'alien' concept for you, after all at some point you would have had this talk with Charlie right?"**

**"Well Carter, I was kinda hoping that his mother would have done this part. After all I was the one with the solid presence to remind him of his responsibility for his actions. Thought I would miss out on all the _science_ stuff."**

**Laughing and spraying water all over the place as Jack says this to her.. Sam continues to flirt and bait Jack, and he keeps falling for it!**

**"Well Jack there is one easy way to have this discussion without saying a word to Thor. It might save you some of your current embarrassment. But then we would be breaking the regs wouldn't we?"**

**Jack turns upon hearing this from Sam. "Exactly what are you suggesting Sam?" Again scrubbing his right hand through his hair in his discomfort over this topic.**

**Well Jack we can both talk till we are blue in the face about all the necessities and time that it takes for gestation and such… but if they don't have the basic equipment … why bother? Unless you are too shy for an audience?"**

**"Ummm that isn't what's bothering me Sam. Heck let everyone watch if it doesn't bother you… but how do we tell them to regrow the very necessary 'protruding body parts'. I know you are good with science of the cosmos… but won't this one be next to impossible?"**

**"Let everyone watch? Well I wouldn't mind being romanced a bit first but does everyone have to watch? After all a girl does have to have her standards!" As she paces the room and starts to leave Jack panics.**

**"Carter!!! You can't leave me here all alone… Come back here, that's an order!" Jack stomps after Carter not believing that she would disobey his order.**

**"Jack get real would you please? You can't order me not to leave a room for pity sakes where exactly can I go that would be all that far away? Anyway, if you are serious about 'show and tell' I thought it would be better to look for a more comfortable place. Why don't you go back and describe the male anatomy to Thor so he doesn't appear too shocked when things start growing" Sam couldn't help but laugh as the look that would cross Thor's face at this part of the 'coupling' as Thor kept referring to it. "But Jack there is one thing that confuses me… how can we tell the male from the female Asgard? They all look the same to me. And exactly who thought that form was beneficial? Tiny butts, large heads, eyes that are totally designed for deep space and never encountering sunlight! Man, someone really messed up in that regard didn't they?"**

**"Well Sam to tell you the truth the thing that scares me is that when the female hormones start running through their bodies is that they will all have a sudden need to go shopping and give up the fight against the bad guys!"**

**"Well Sir… there is one thing that both of us have overlooked for a long time." Her big blue eyes teasing him.**

**"And what would that be Sam. What is that devious mind of your working on now?" Shaking his head and laughing at what is running through his mind when Sam gets into this frame of mind.**

**"Well as his direct ambassador couldn't you have Thor request from the President that we have the 'executive privilege' of being able to have an intimate relationship? In fact have him make it a demand to uphold the Asgard relations with Earth. If we mean so much to the Asgard there must be something important that either we do, or possibly our children will do in their future for them to have such focused attention on us." Getting up and pacing a few feet away from Jack reach she turns, "Jack have you ever wondered how it is that you became to be Thor's favorite human? Why is it that no matter how mad your get or how many people you insult, it never seems to phase Thor?"**

**"Well Sam all I can say is… I am beginning to wonder about the advanced knowledge these lil guys are supposed to have. After all the only good stuff would be from that bright head of yours. As I told Gen. Hammond years ago you are one of our world's greatest treasures. What would I have to offer? They would be the most cynical kids around!" **

**"Oh I don't know Sir, after all you did have a mind open enough to rescue Teal'c and he was one of the enemy. So apparently you have the ability to see through people to their inherent good or bad and have been able to save our butts on several occasions with this ability." She still can't believe that he has such a low opinion of himself.**

**"Well Sir, I think we need to get to Heimdahl then we can worry about the rest. After all if we don't get their star researcher back they won't need the other lessons!"**

**"Ahh Carter you know how to hurt an old man… and here I had such great hopes at FINALLY being able to be with you." Winking to her as he walks away.**

**"Oh Jack I didn't say that you were off the hook. Just that I am not sure that this is the right place to do this. And are you sure you want an audience that might be able to snitch on us at a later point in time? You know our luck!" The laughter and teasing back in her voice and her eyes dancing as she looks at Jack.**

**"OK so focus on this thought. The Asgard don't have the slightest idea about clothing. Think of all the stupid fashions that we have lived through on earth. What will be the clothing of choice of the Asgard should they succeed in their true desire? Heck you have known Thor for how many years. What are you going to do if you find out that Thor is a female?"**


End file.
